I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
