A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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