just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
