Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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