i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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