I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
