whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
