u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
then he tried to convert me to islam
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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