So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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