What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
