he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
