exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
