So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
