$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
