Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
