Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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