i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
