I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
