We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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