i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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