She said her name was "party"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
