note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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