driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
