If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
