just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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