I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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