see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
