maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
