hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Randomize
