he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
