I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When are your genitals available?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
