matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
