I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you had me at cake vodka
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
