just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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