Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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