Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
