My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
