Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
