in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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