she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
