We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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