i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
