I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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