I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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