People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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