i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
