Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize
