Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
