there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
