Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
