I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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