Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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