I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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