I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
