I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
